Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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