just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
