I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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