First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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