I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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