writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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