i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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