Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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