Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
40s are totally the cure
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize