Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
