I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
