I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He kissed a someone with a penis
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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