Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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