I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
