I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
