Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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