i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
