Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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