what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
