How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize