What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
