strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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