So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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