Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
