our cab driver is having phone sex.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Randomize
