you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
