He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
