just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
