I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
