she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
