Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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