actually, I'm a sock model
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
