Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
