keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
