just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
