I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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