Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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