Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
