i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
this just has baby written all over it
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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