How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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