The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
