Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
