I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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