I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
