You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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