I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
