she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
