Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
