i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
