i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just high enough for therapy.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
