3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
tell me about the fingering
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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