Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
