Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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