Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
