I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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