end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
ok first of all what the fuck
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
