i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
