I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
