he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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