i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
