if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she pinky promised me she was 18
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
