Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
