the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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