was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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