You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
