The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize