If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
