I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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