Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
