Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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