It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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