I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
