I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
