Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
