i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
