So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize