Me. At least after what I've been through.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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