I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
